SKRIVET: 2009-10-30, kl 13:22:15 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Saknar. 2010 ar jag dar.When your soul is telling you that you are in teh wrong place..
When your whole beeing is trying to reach out to something to far away.
This is what I need At the moment.
Taize music is playing in my room, and if I close my eyes I can nearly feel what I felt then.
2 <3| SKRIVET: 2009-10-29, kl 13:53:24 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Lyssnar pa nostalgisk Indian musik. CooltVet inte om jag vill att folk ska veta hur jag tanker, hur jag kanner.
Darfor vet jag itne om detta kommer publiceras eller inte.
Jag vill verkligen inte att folk ska se mig pa samma satt som jag ser mig sjalv, och jag vill inte att folk ska forsta hur fel jag egentligen ar.
Jag lever bakom en mask. En mask som tagit mig flera langa ar att bygga upp, byggd av olika kommentarer, tankar kanslor. Byggd sa att jag inte skadar andra, men sa att jag kan skada mig sajlv pa insidan utan att nagon ser. Jag skulle hellre vilja kanna mig tom och naken. Skulle hellre vilja sta dar blottad infor alla, och vanta pa domen. lyssna till viskningarna som folker mig bakom min rygg. Vaga konfrontera min verklighet.
Men en mask ar enklare. Min egna mask av kanslor.
Jag lever for att jag borde leva, inte for att jag vill. Fast nu ljog jag.. For jag vill ju leva, men jag vill vara nagon annan.
Men hur gor man da nar man ar nagot som man inte vill vara? Nar man vet precis hur man vill vara, da man kan se det framfor sig. Man forsoker stracka sig, forsoker na det. Offrar delar av sig sjalv for att na det, men det hela slutar anda med att man inte nar fram. Som Squirrlen i Iceage 2. Sa nara den dar javla noten.. bara fora tt bli dragen bakat.
Jag kan se tydligt. Se hur jag vill vara, men jag misslyckas alltid.
Var gor man nar man inser att man har fler problem an vad man borde. Nar man inser att val man gjort i sitt liv kanske inte var sa bra. Men pa samma gang sa skulle man inte kunna leva med sig sjalv om man inte gjort dessa val. Men att man inser att lamna detta skulle vara battre, men att man inte vil ge upp. Det ar ju faktiskt inte sa enkelt.
Jag har det sa bra som man kan.
Men min hjarna vagrar att lamna ifran sig tankar. Och nu har tankar overgatt till handling. Handling som jag alltidfordommt. Handling jag sett till att alla i min narhet klarat sig ifran.
Hur blev jag sadan?
JAg vill bara tvatta mig, tvatta mig ren fran all smuts, tvatta mig ren fran tankar.
Hur blev jag henne och ur blev hon mig? nar forsvann jag?
SKRIVET: 2009-10-26, kl 11:43:22 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
HAHHAHASKRIVET: 2009-10-25, kl 11:01:40 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
24 oktober
Met up with the Cutie in the picture. Shes been in Kyoto with her class for a week, so I havent seen her for ages.
Or it felt like that anyways. We decided to walk all the way to portside to a cafe Ive been wanting to check out for some time now.
I was trying to teach her the way to portside because Im moving there in december. It did not go that well, which I should have know.. her lokalsinne is not the best.
Im moving into one of the houses in the background. This photo was taken from the same building that the cafe was located.
This is what we ate..
We couldnt resist! hahha OMG we were so happy that we are able to comunicate in swedish and norweigan. That way we could say so many things that are so tabu. But I have a feeling most people could understand what we were thinking, laughing and talking about. We even had a hard timepaying due to laughing to much haha!
I mean.. come on!
SKRIVET: 2009-10-24, kl 15:27:19 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
My life in pictures
After eating the Skittles that out teacher randy brought us hihi
Nashi<3
Japanese pear? I think it is anyway, crazy good and as you see, crazy big! hahah we had so mych fun and people were looking wierdly at us!
This is close to Akihabara, people were fishing for salmon.. its a fucked up country oh yes
Okaasan says that these come from mini chickens, but I dont trust her!
I think.. its collected eggs from the annoying birds everyone wants to shoot in the mornings.
I think its a trend we should copy in sthlm
SKRIVET: 2009-10-22, kl 15:06:15 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
To all of you who..are sitting at home right now like " hahi hvosdhgv jbv, she never uploads" growl and whatver.
Im currently writing about my weekend, its a slow process but
may the force be with me.
SKRIVET: 2009-10-20, kl 14:17:24 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Jag vill ha..S N O W
N O W
Med lite fantasi rimmar det.
SKRIVET: 2009-10-20, kl 13:30:31 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Something in the way he moves.T h e m o b i l e i s b a c k h o m e a g a i n.
S a r a h i s h a p p y a g a i n.
Wouldnt mind reachen a weight of.. 35 kg like all other japgirls seem to have no problem with.
I think they loose weight from eating sugar, that the only method I can come with because it seems like thats all they eat. Allt the time 24/7
SKRIVET: 2009-10-19, kl 09:04:23 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Fuck is a good word.So Right now Im hoping for a call, Im hoping that an honest person found it and called someone on my contact list. But as Im writing this I realise that the chance is slim.
1. I CANNOT afford another mobile, and Im so angry because I recharged my mobile yesterday.
2. I CANNOT CANNOT ask my paretns for money for this.
I would never want them to buy me a new one because I was irresponsible.
3. I already owe my host parents a new electric dictonary that I killed, and AFSinnsurance didnt cover that.
4. I spent 12 000 yen the last 2 weeks on birthdayparties, eating out with friends, sleepovers, bunkasai,
starbucks and lastly my mobile bill. Its expensive to have fun, and I dont want to sit home 24/7 either...
5. I need more money But I feel so bad asking my parents (I AM SO SORRY).
6. The stress I feel over my life down here, my money problem, and my energyproblem is killing me slowly.
Life has been better.
ps. I have fun, and wonderful friends.. Dont worry about those things.
Im just SO stressed out and having these financialproblems doesnt help that stress at all..
SKRIVET: 2009-10-17, kl 05:58:01 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Uppdatering kommer!I just came home after a tiring but Awesome night at Soras.
Shinjuku by night, new really nice people,
Seeing Sora again(missed you soo much<3)
Girltalk-mostly in Japanese.. Im kinda proud of myself- And much more.
I will try to write an update today on paper, and then put it in here with some pictures. I didnt take that many, but maybe some will be uploaded. I just ate a Mikan (read=Mandarin) and I couldnt be happier!
hihi, Life is great atm.
hum.. Yeah Like I said Ill try to update today or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow though, because Im leaving for Yuikas party, Shes turning 18 HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING<3
Im going to write down everything thats happend on a piece of paper, then write it on my laptop upstairs probably tonight when I cant sleep, use a USB and transfer it to this computer. And guess what? Ill do it in Swedish! hihi
wowfactor!
Now, I have to Go change clothes maybe shower, and then Im off!
Im going to try to contact Liv so we can take a coffee before the party, otherwise Ill just spend the time finishing my letter to mormor(Grandma). I bought a new pen today MOHAHA.
Yeah. AND OH BTW on the way to my house I saw the most DISGUSTINGkiller spider ever. So I decided to photograph it. So pics of that will also come eventually. And then I saw one just like the first one maybe 1 m after. So I started counting.. I gave up at 17 and I wasnt even half way home yet then. And this was a 500m walk.. I also saw 6 cute small blue/purple(ish?) butterflies, 8 other kinds of spiders.
Eh.. yeh
Note to self:
This is what I need to update:
- Bunkasai
- Soras house and Shinjuku
- Yuikas party
- pictures from all over
Anything else?
SKRIVET: 2009-10-10, kl 03:29:44 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Malin kirrade, underbar ar hon <3SKRIVET: 2009-10-08, kl 05:14:50 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
TyphoonSitter just nu och chillar med en Chailatte.
No school today <3
varfor?
Joo..
For att vi just nu har en stor Typhoon.
Storsta typhoonen pa 10 ar for att vara exakt..
Det ar ganska coolt!
haha
SKRIVET: 2009-10-07, kl 14:42:33 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Idag gjorde jag en Gunnel.I get a kind of Deja vu feeling of when I fell with my snowboard two years ago. The pain is on the exact same place ( but my neck is ok though THANK GOD ).
Sometime my life sucks, but I guess it was just a matter of time.
Yeah, Im going to go sit in my room now.. Because I cant Lay down.. hah.
Tomorrow they are saying that there will be a big typhoon. If that actually occurs there will be no school.
Hold your thumbs please, because I dont want to go, or.. I want to have challigrapy but my back is really killing me.
Yeah. My ass hurts to. And my pinkyfinger is cut up in to places.. I was cool and Tried to grab something while falling.
If my back gets worse tomorrow I have to go to a doctor.. but I think its okay! hehu Bajs
SKRIVET: 2009-10-05, kl 01:07:10 | PUBLICERAT I: Allmänt
Ett.. trott inlagg? Nothing will make sense really.Helgen har varit helt underbar, borsatt ifran en liten freak out igarkvall.
Men den ar redan som bortblast, I say.
Nej men, jag ska se om jag hinner skriva in vad som hant ihelgen. Och kanske tilloch med hinner med en liten update om vad som hant i september, och vad som kommer handa i Oktober.
Min blogg star nastan helt still nu, I know..
Just nu ar klockan.. 8:05 pa morgonen. Sent tycker ni, men om man sommnar klockan 3 och vaknar klockan 5:30 sa betyder deta tt man kanner sig som en levande Zombie klockan 8 pa morgonen.
Helt arligt, manniskan ar fanimej inte konstruerad att sova sa lite och ga upp sa tidigt. Och sedan annu varre.. ga till skolan pa det? Nej tack!
Aja, jag har atit min frukost, klatt pa mig osv osv. Ska nu borsta tanderna ta min bag och dra. Men jag orkar verkligen inte. Allt jag vill gora ar att sova tre timmar till. Sedan fa chilla hemma ensam, och efter det dra till starbucks och skriva brev och (om jag hade haft internet pa min dator, sitta vid den) medans en SoyChailatte blir min.
Japp, that my new love dear ones.
Eller ja.. nvm. Mendet skulle vara najs. Sedan skulle ajg komma hem, stada rummet och byta ut lakanen sa att det luktade gatt, och sova typ 5 timmar till. Det skulle vara den perfekta dagen i mina ogon just nu.
Men men, man kan ju inte fa allt... eh.. Onskar jag fick Svininfluensan bah.
PUSS PA ER ALLA, nu ska jag borsta tanderna heh. (duktig tjej.. eller natt sadant).
